This is a continuation of the brief-ish account of my life and the role my disability plays in it. Praise the Lord!

I had many many surgeries on my body over the years to correct the effects of my muscles doing their own thing. My legs, in particular, have been sliced and diced the most because i've always had the least control over them. 

I remember the last two surgeries on my legs, the most recent, when i was 12. All i remember of the first one is how i felt when the casts came off. Trying to bend my knees was painful, i remember being confused and quite annoyed about it. As the therapists and i persisted my legs traded tenderness for usefulness. Being aware of this gave me confidence about the next one, that i could deal with it.

My least favorite part is alway the smell of the anesthesia right before you go to sleep. If you ever have a surgery, don't fight the sleep. i always fought sleep! I could hear the surgeons of my last surgery talk well after they thought i was under. One told a joke and the other laughed. That laugh echoed and distorted in my sleep, it was so scary. Before i could get too upset about it, it was over. I woke up with giant casts on my legs.

In the room where i was recovering from the anesthesia, i went to shift my weight. My legs burst in pain, which was immediately dwarfed by the pain from my legs tensing up. The cascading effect was mind blowing, all  could do was scream. My legs had just been substantially operated on and now my legs were ripping themselves apart. I don't know how, but God held me together as he always does.

Morphine didn't do a thing and i still screamed in pain from under codeine. I was able to sleep eventually and in a fews day the pain was more manageable. I felt so bad for my Mom, she stayed in that room with me day in, day out. 

I learned life has a huge variety of stuff unknown to us and god is in charge of all of it. I learned that God can redefine the meaning of pain and in the process redefine love.  Between the pain God would allow me to sense his presence, and i'd by instantly awash in hope. I know a little more what Heavenly perfection will not be like. After all, the darkness proves the light

I returned to fifth grade slightly changed, i was no longer afraid of pain. They welcomed me back with a new chant, "GO JON GO JON GO JON"

To be continued.


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